It has been so long since I wrote anything. I've realised that I'm a mix of total emotions. I'm in a dark place and I can't get out... I've decided to write a blog in direct contrast to this one...It is my sad wonderings... my heart break and torture. Until I am able to see the light I will focus on my other writing and bare my soul...... perhaps there is a reason....
I am 30&female. Not married,no kids and no sky tv. Sofa is not large enough to lie down on without getting cramp so I spend a large amount of time lying on the floor.This is better for me anyway as my laptop with all its wires doesn't extend to the sofa. My landlord has plans to refurbish my flat soon-after I move out!
I own a car which was worth £160 when bought but obviously depreciates each day it sits in the car park which is a 10 minute walk from my house. This car is all bought & paid for so there is no debt on that bad boy! Car boot doesn't open so it's unlikely I'll be doing any boot sales anytime soon...I was told that by drinking red bull in the morning I gave my colleagues the wrong impression.. so I changed to coffee.. I was then told if I HAD to bring coffee in the least I could do was bring a banana with me... I now bring a latte in with 3 sugars & a banana for decoration. I did bump into a guy who works for the same company buying a coffee and a banana...I laughed at him. He told me it's a good breakfast combination.
Basically I have realised that I've been in a bad mood for 30 years and that I may,just may, have a slight attitude problem..happiness is for wimps!
My name is Clare O'Connor and this is my wish list for 2008 and beyond. I will look at this whenever I want to focus on an aspect of my life and make an effort to achieve one of these ultimate wishes.
1) Cannes Film Festival – want to go to the Film Festival and pretend I’m rich enough to be there! 2) Monaco music Awards/ Grammy’s - Ditto 3) Dorchester Stay – Ditto again! 4) Flat screen TV- I would like to apologise now to my loyal TV for my infidelity!
5) Hawaii / Maldives – Visit either of these places… relax in the silence, away from people who can annoy me! Preferably Hawaii as Elvis looked like he enjoyed himself there! 6) Go Ice skating in New York near Christmas time – Sounds like the sort of thing they do in the movies so why not? 7) Own a Gucci watch – I say own as I don’t necessarily need it to be something I buy myself. I would without a doubt accept this as a gift!
8) Write a book 9) Own a Sports car- again I have no need for this to be something to buy myself. Very happy to accept this generous gift! 10) Make partner in a firm somewhere, adopt a child, have a party where I'm the most beautiful girl in the room in the absence of a wedding, have a holiday that is 3 weeks like a honey moon somewhere where I can swim with dolphins, own a house with a swimming pool. – This is self explanatory… basically I want it all!
What to do if you like this blog!
1. The main thing to do is come back and continue reading it! 2. The second thing to do is tell your friends! 3. Feel free to give me ideas of things you would like me to write about! 4. If you are new to this blog please go back and read some of my other posts! 5. Subscribe to Flippingoutwithclare! 6. Post a comment and tell me what you really think! Don't just limit it to feedback on one post tell me what you think of the whole blog itself! 7. Enjoy it!
Here are a selection of photos showing how prosperous my life is... please don't be jealous - I worked hard to get this far!
Imagine the cramp... unless you are only 2 foot tall... in which case how spacious this sofa is!
A few wires make it less mobile... more of a floor top than a lap top!
My customised car
I customised my car to give it the feel of an old car.... some would say a classic motor!
A lawyer's car
The car that makes heads turn... Imagine your lawyer turning up to court in this ride!
The old faithful TV
What a view!
The wall where the Sky dish used to be...
A reminder of a life once lived but now lost! Would have shown you the dish but this was removed from my patio today without any notice!!!
Photos relating to various posts
Here are a selection of photos relating to my posts... again I should warn you jealousy is never an enviable quality!!!
Dolly in all her glory
Please avert your eyes if you don't wish to be associated to my crime! I'm not sure if the steward can get your thoughts in his ownership just by you looking at it but I can't be responsible for your loss if he can!
Average day on my way to work
Shaking with delight when I took this picture.
The gals waiting for a cab
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joooolllleennne!
What shall I wear tonight? Think I'll wear my printed top with my pink cowboy hat.
Please don't read these poems until you know for sure that you are not depressed! Those suffering from sadness, heartbreak, loneliness or depression should avoid! If you are feeling ecstatic and need a bit of reality then you are free to read these!
These are really just to show that despite my moodiness I too have moments where I am not moody I am just sad or melancholic! Be assured though the rest of the time I am just moody - in case you now feel that you are unsure about the person I am!
A poem for my Grandad.
My heart is so broken my mind is in despair my life is so lonely my soul feels so bare
I've tried to stay strong to have the courage you had But I feel weak and helpless without you Grandad Every day seems less complete every thought of you I want my heart to never delete I panic of the day I forget your face the things you taught me the now empty space
Riddled with disease and tortured by pain You kept your dignity through the tears falling like rain. With every humiliation you were so strong until you finally discarded the tiresome body you had lugged around for so long
My mind now wanders through the depths of my love and I pray that you are looking down from above The loss consumes completely now you sleep so very deeply
Every day that passes We'll wish it was another day your life had lasted The flowers wilt and the seasons change but the space you leave forever remains
A long journey to get to this place to say good bye is hard with one last embrace I see people in the street how can they not feel this wonderful man has left this earth? how did they not know your immense worth?
Still your voice rings in my head and recounts all the things you said, I long to hear you laugh or have you tease me or to tell me how to do things properly I wish I could have one last hour or one last minute To tell you how much better my life was just to have you in it
Grandad I am so honoured that God gave you to be the man in my life and I pray that you are now dancing in heaven at last with your beautiful wife
But still I can't say goodbye to the man I love so deeply my heart will never refill completely.
I now see so clearly that you were what I longed to find A man who promised to love me and never changed his mind
So sleep well my lovely Grandad in heaven your spirit will shine For though your heart has stopped beating you are eternally engraved in mine.
Gentle A gentle touch that strokes my head A soft voice that seems to take away the pain Someone who is always on my side Despite the mistakes I make Someone who loves me regardless
Beautiful Beautiful or ugly, a failure or not An unconditional feeling that I will not be forsaken Every kind word, every thought feels like it is just for me Two other children and yet each feels special
A mother A mother who loves above all else Never hurts Never selfishly putting herself before us Every tear that is cried is for her children And every tear I weep is felt by her
Sad Often so sad, so hurt, so broken We can only watch as she mourns Not understanding how or why A mother’s love so perfect and so pure A child’s love so certain and unchanging
Wishing Wishing we could change it Give her back the years she lost Give her the strength to see what we see Give her one minute in our hearts to know how we feel
Hoping Hoping we can make it just a little better Dedicate every achievement to her, Every good thing to her love Make her see that without her it would not have come to pass
Praying Praying one day she will realise She will see how her love is rewarded How we adore her, how we care Give her the chance to feel what we feel
Believing Believing she will be everything we know she is And be it with pride Without excuses Because she is who she is and that’s perfect to us.